First Impressions: Condemned 2:Bloodshot

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No update in a while. Bad Gil-Monster. No crystal meth for you. Anyway... Happy Birthday, Grizzlyfate!

It was hard to decide just what to spend my Secret Santa Gamestop gift card towards. Burnout: Paradise however was not in the running. I played the demo and while I had a blast rocketing upside down off a ramp in my sports car, I had other issues with the game. Anyway, I built up an intense loathing of DJ Atomica. I tend to get twitchy when my wife off-handedly mentions the phone bill as I'm driving 50 mph in rush-hour traffic. Now- if you took that sentence and replaced "wife", "phone bill", "50" and "rush-hour" with, respectively, "cock-jockey", "this one party he went to", "225" and "oncoming"... why, yes. "Twitchy" would also need to go. 

But I loved Condemned: Criminal Origins, and now that Condemned 2: Bloodshot is out, I snagged that.

I don't know if it's ever going to be scary as the previous game- I can blame this on the fact that lead character Ethan Thomas is now a testosterone-fuelled badass intrinsically aware of his environment. Gimme another fish out of water, dammit! Although, if I wasn't playing a disgraced, alcoholic Fed, I'd miss out on having to drink moldy booze in order to keep my firing arm straight. That rocks. Also, both the fighting and the investigative aspects of the game have been improved, and there's even a "Bloodshot Fight Club" that you can enter to hone your pugilistic skills- very, very welcome. 

These- along with the new batch of weapons like bedposts, toilet seats, beaker stands, and bricks- help to alleviate a few gripes like the graphics being a little less crisp, the developers borrowing the Dead Rising font for all game text (which really sucks if you don't have a high-definition TV) and of course, Warner Bros. having their name on this game. 

Look: The WB made one great horror film: The Exorcist. But they keep trying to recapture that magic, and it always results in shame, collateral damage, and casualties. Eff Yakko, Wakko, and Dot: if there's an exorcism in Condemned 2 because of WB's insistence, I'm grabbing DJ Atomica and we're jumping a sportscar into that frickin' WB water tower.
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